Thursday, February 17, 2011

How My Heart Looks

The Doctor said my Heart looked great!  This was wonderful news.  The medical staff that cared for me was caring and professional.  It's sometimes difficult to combine these two things, caring and professionalism, but, when they come together, healing is possible and miracles sometime happen. We need more miracles today.

I noticed something else yesterday while being totally at the mercy of others.  I don't like giving up control.  I don't think any of us do.  I realized, however, that "being without control" isn't the same as "being out of control".  In the news today I heard about the childhood molestation of Senator Scott Brown and the horrible assault and rape of one of our best reporters, Laura Logan. They know what "being without control" is among those who are "out of control".  I, too, know that particular horror. 

Why do I bring this up now while talking about my heart procedure?  I realize that the horrors of abuse, especially sexual abuse, never leave us.  I realize that the events that shaped my life came right back to me again yesterday, lying on that table "being without control".

Yes, we can overcome. And, yes, we can survive and get on with our lives.  But, those memories, those ghosts, those who were "out of control" still hover and haunt and raise their ugly heads.  When we least expect it.  When we shouldn't have to expect it, they are tangible and feelable and horrible.

I have to end this on a positive note.

Just as those others can hold us hostage in ways unexpected for the rest of out lives, those who were praying for me yesterday and sending their positive thoughts and energy my way, were felt and anchored me in hope and faith and love.

Thank you, to my family and friends.

You know who you are.

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