Saturday, April 16, 2011

Quiet Time

I really NEED some quiet time in my day.  Actually, I need a lot of quiet time.  I don't get much of it, however!

Since my husband retired because of his health and I retired because I was tired of working, we are together 24/7.  This is way too much togetherness! 

Now, I 'm not saying that I don't like being with my husband.  I'm just saying that too much togetherness isn't, necessarily, a good thing.  I guess my point is that I'm not getting enough quiet or alone time and I need it badly. 

Without some quiet time, I can get very cranky.  Now, with very, very little quiet time and practically no alone time, I wonder how anyone tolerates being around me. Can anyone be pleasant all of the time?  There must be those saints out there who never give thought to their personal needs and only think of doing or giving to others. 

I'm not one of those saints!  I'm not a saint at all.

I could probably become a recluse.  I can very easily understand why some folks do seek a solitary life that is quite isolated.  I need quiet.  I need time alone with myself.  I don't know how to get it.

I'm a writer and need time to write, time to think, time to simply let my imagination run rampant.  Not getting that these days. 

I think I'm afraid I would hurt my husband's feelings if I took a day off to be alone somewhere ... anywhere, in a peaceful, quiet setting.

I also think that my heart is telling me to find a way to get what I need.  My hearts acting pretty crazy these days ... palpitations, etc.  Our bodies do tell on us when we don't tell on ourselves or when we try to run away from those things we really need.

I've always envied those people who practice meditation.  I've started it at certain times in my life, only to stop when it seems that I can't get the hang of letting go of my thoughts.  I understand that there's no trick to it, but ........... .

I firmly believe that if we don't, voluntarily, give ourselves what we need, our souls, our spirits, our minds and our bodies will suffer for it.

Now, let me think of all the reasons why I can't get this thing I need so very much.

1.  ..............................
2.  ..............................
3.  ..............................
4.  ..............................
5.  ..............................
6.  I don't ask for it.
7.  I'm afraid someone will think I'm selfish.
8.  Something terrible will happen while I'm away and it will be my fault.
9.  ......................................................................................................
10. I don't ask for it.

2 comments:

  1. One thing I planned on before I retired, is cutting out a space in our home for me and only me! Why? Because I knew that I was about to become an interloper in my wife's territory since I worked 60-100 hours a week. Being 24/7 can be daunting. A separate space is essential. Close the door and do your thing, whatever it may be.

    The next thing I did was to make a list of the things I wanted to accomplish before I go "root-side." It turned out to be quite lengthy and seemingly insurmountable. That was to my advantage. I have published three books, "Layman License,” "Is There Time?" and "Daddy's Different" and a number short stories and essays. I have a collection of my short stories (a number previously published) titled "Concoctions," in the process of being put "out there."

    Guess what! I have not made a significant dent in my list. I am convinced that I will die without converting the "dent" into a significant crash scene.

    I have been retired for nearly 15 years. It gets better each day. I am relearning calculus, delving into a book by Roger Penrose (The Road to Reality which almost demands brushing up on the math.) and plotting a sequel to Daddy's Different among a number of other things. Life is good in spite of a few family issues which will be resolved without my direct interference.

    Truthfully, it pains me to hear you so melancholy when you obviously have the talent, the strength and the imagination to do whatever you want and... you smile well! We are so close to the same age that we should be happy that we are alive. My suggestion… only as a suggestion… (Pushy, huh?) make a list of everything you ever wanted to do if you had time. Edit it. Then start checking them off as you do them. Ever heard of a “bucket list.” My “bucket list” will required several lifetimes to accomplish.

    Come on, medical researchers, do your stuff! I need another few hundred, if not thousands of years, to complete my list.

    Find your space. Get smiling! Get on with your list! Enjoy being you! End of rant.

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  2. Thanks, Don, for the concern and for the suggestions. They are great suggestions and the idea of a Bucket List is very attractive!

    I've missed hearing from you! Sounds like things are going pretty well for you. That's a good thing!

    Big Smile,
    Kat

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